First Blog...Ever.

Well everyone, here's my life in a nutshell so far.
I have a beautiful 5 month old daughter, who is soon to be 6 months old on the 20th of Nov. My god given gift from above.
So... Lets start where I got in this position. Of course, we know how all babies get here... But really. So, I work at circle k, and started out working overnights. This guy comes in on a bike, cute as all get out, buys a lemon lime Gatorade, stands outside for a min, then leaves. Not even 10 min later does the guy call back and ask for my number, saying he is in town visiting friends while on leave from the coast guard stationed in Alaska. Its the middle of summer and I'm thinking, its gotta be hot as hell to him! Nevertheless, the guy asks for directions back to 83rd ave and Union Hills drive. Mind you, my store was at 67th and Thunderbird Rd, if you live in AZ, you know that's quite a bit of a distance for riding a bike. After he asks for directions, he proceeds to ask me out to the movies, and like a young idiot, i say yeah sure. While this was going on, he tells me he has no kids, isn't married, but is on the rebound from a very abusive ex girlfriend... ummm.. ok? I'm not exactly looking for a guy on the rebound, but you're pretty cute man! So, i go to pick him up at his 'friends' house, and head to the movies, after the movies, go to the park, lay in the grass and look at the stars. Its like a fairy tale, Seemingly coming true. We text for a couple days, even talk on the phone, but i hear a baby in the background that he keeps calling moose, and saying go find your mama... He tells me that his friends took this baby in from her mama who abandoned her and didn't want her, no claim to her at all. This goes on for a couple days, till i meet this beautiful almost 2 year old little girl, who clings to him like hes her daddy, not to mention, she looks just like him. Then he tells me that this little girl is his.. (WTF????) Not that I mind dating a man with a kid, but why lie, and most importantly, why not claim such a beautiful baby girl? Of course I was mad... After a couple weeks of this ish, it should be time for his leave to be up and go back to Alaska, to the coast guard. Not to mention, I've figured out, those are not his friends he's living with, those are his parents (again, WTF???). Ive come to realize that he is also not in the Coast Guard, stationed in Alaska, or anything. Ive found out everything after a while, except the fact that hes still married and an alcoholic/pill popper. Hes becoming a monster that I would've never dated to begin with...  At this point, its been a couple months, and I'm officially pregnant, by an asshat who has no respect for me, but pretends to, of course.
After a while, Gracie, the 2 year old, starts calling me mommy, Ive went through a huge fight with my grandma about being pregnant by this asshat, who has all but been truthful about who he is, and what is really going on in his life. His mom, and possibly dad, all know this is going on, and his background ish as well, and fail to mention anything to me.
When i am almost 4 months pregnant, I find text msgs on his phone, that i bought for him, from some girl named Bird. Talking about having sex and ish, when i confront him about it, I'm in tears, pregnant, with his baby, and he lies to me! Saying its his friend in Tucson that is a guy and he always jokes with him like this. So i keep crying, trying to stop, apologizing for acting like an idiot. This right here is where it really went all to hell. He wouldn't answer his phone for long periods of time during the day or night, or even the whole day. He disappears for a few days, putting me into hysterics and at risk of losing my baby, and answers the phone once to tell me that hes in some kind of trouble, that he'd killed someone and hes running from the cops. this goes on for two weeks. he gets back, we go to my Dr's apt, the one before we find out if our little peanut is a boy or girl, he is a complete asshole. Gracie isn't allowed to play with me, not allowed to sit on my lap or even next to me. Wtf?? This little girl who has been calling me mommy, for close to 6 months, and I'm not even allowed to touch her? Trust me, i am not happy at this point. He wouldn't talk to me, is blatantly texting someone, showing me just how unimportant i was to him. After the Dr's apt, i take him and Gracie home, and go to my own home.  To cry my eyes out once again. Then he starts ignoring me, again. with the same crap about the police and killing someone, only to hear his wife (yes, WIFE), answer the phone, telling me that he has been with her this whole time, since august, this is February already, a week from when i find out what i am having. Heartbroken, upset, pregnant, and stuck at work. I couldn't help but lock myself up in the bathroom, and cry. i called Karen, while she is sitting with my niece and her mom at the hospital, because my niece had open heart surgery, i told her what was going on. Crying, I broke up with Erick, told him not to ever talk to me again. Then the next two days were hell, his wife kept telling me that he was telling her that this baby, the one i am pregnant with, isn't his. that I had been cheating on him the whole time i was with him, and when he'd met me, i was with someone else already. So I just say fuck it, told them all to leave me alone, and to tell the girls, yeah girlS, he has two daughters, that i loved them, with all of my heart. Because I did, and still do.
Well, its time to find out what i am having, my mom is in prison, so my godmother, an my sister both go with me to find out what i am having. The ultrasound tech does measurements of the baby, but of course, the little turkey is asleep and wouldn't wake up... she had her legs crossed, and so she made it just a tad bit difficult, and of course, shes gotta be just like mommy, stubborn. But we get just enough of a peek to see that shes a GIRL. When we leave, I start to cry, first because she didn't have a daddy who loved her, and second, i had kinda really wanted a little boy... ha ha. I let asshat's parents know what it was, and left it at that. Nothing left from them. 5 more months to go, i cant wait for her to get here...
   So that is my life story, well, mine and Serena's anyway so far. She was born May 20th, 2011 at 10:56am, weighing 7lbs 4 oz. And still, to this day, I miss my Gracie and Taylor. I love you guys so much, and miss you.